Oh wow…

I was looking up this address for an Open day I have to attend, but because I had a good idea of where it was I checked on Google Maps (Street view) to see if I was thinking of the right place. Turns out I was. And before I exited. I looked for the nearest bus stop. But something caught my attention.

As I turned round. I noticed a car that looked like My mum’s. I zoomed in to the Windscreen (Because they blur out numberplates) and funnily enough, it was my mum…

I managed to find my mum by accident on Google Maps… What are the chances?


Burnout Paradise Review

Well, Right now I’m honestly sitting here trying to find something to do which will be somewhat productive to waste time. Seeing as my options are thin I’ll write something.

Despite Burnout Paradise being released quite a few years ago, I only picked it up recently. Before that I was playing Skyrim and Saints Row the Third. (Both Good games. Might do a Review of SR3 soon too.) I hadn’t seen or heard anything about the game but I knew what to expect having played some of the previous versions. One thing I was aware of was that this game featured a big open world in which you could explore but never leave your car. Although technically you don’t actually ever see a human being in this game as one of the gimmicks of this game series is that when crashing your car, it isn’t just a light bump in which you recover from just reversing and steering round the obstacle. In this game, when you crash into something, the camera angle changes, it goes into slow motion and you’re forced to watch for a few painful seconds as your car just sits there. Or most likely the case, you’ll hit another car, get knocked into the air for a good 40 yards before hitting the ground then skidding for the remainder of the tragedy.

It’s entertaining to watch the first few times but after a while it gets annoying as you’re most likely trying to get somewhere and if it happens during a race then don’t forget to wave to the opponents as they pass you by and finish before you do.

Anyway, I’ll now break it down into smaller parts that I want to discuss because I could go on forever on all the little details, but I’ll spare you all that crap because the chances are that you’d of stopped reading by now unless you’re Charlie and I’ve forced you to read this. Hi Charlie!

Storyline

There is no storyline. You’re in a vehicle. Drive it to the finish line then attempt a different race. If you’re expecting a storyline from a game like this then it would need something such as human characters and then it’d be horribly tragic and violent with all the crashes that happen every 20 seconds.

Music

The game has a large soundtrack, but one thing that I personally see as a letdown is the song that plays when starting up the game. Paradise City - Guns N Roses. Don’t get me wrong, the song is okay. But it only really works for the first time you start up the game. You’re sitting there and then this music plays as the title comes up and it feels quite welcoming, But I find myself spamming the A button on the title screen to get through it as soon as possible because hearing it every time gets slightly dull. Especially with all the different songs that are on this game. There’s Punk rock, Classical music and there’s also songs from other Criterion games, which I thought was quite a nice add as I liked some of the music from Burnout 2

Veichles

This game split the vehicles into 3 categories. 

  • Stunt
  • Aggression
  • Speed 

In a way, they’re almost like difficulty settings. Speed will be the fastest, Aggression is usually the strongest and Stunt seems to be slightly more durable for those “Propelled into the air” crashes that you’ll be having. I’ll explain how they work.

Stunt cars are the best for going over ramps as they don’t seem to lose control after landing, they also gain the most boost when performing stunt moves but this isn’t the only way they can gain their boost. All cars can gain it by driving on the wrong side of the road, making other drivers crash and so on and so forth.

Aggression cars are useful for taking down other opponents and if you’ve played any of the other games then you’d know that you can do this in many different ways, some being by forcing them into a wall, into other cars or by landing on them from jumps. This is how they gain the most boost.

Speed cars work differently from the others. You can’t boost whenever you feel like it, you HAVE to wait until your boost bar is “Ready” and you do this by filling it up completely. It can be a slight annoyance but the gimmick with a speed car is that if you’re able to deplete your boost in one go then you get a refill. So technically you could use it indefinitely. But with the amount of crashes you’re likely to have and the fact that Speed cars are the weakest type, it’s not too easy to use.

Unlocks

You unlock more cars in this game by doing challenges. Every now and again the Narrator/Radio DJ seems to talk directly to you and other times he seems to be talking in coincidence to what you’re doing. He will tell you that you’ve either got a new car added to your collection or that there’s a new vehicle driving round the island and if you want it then you’ll have to make the other driver crash. (Which is essentially saying: “Want that car? Put the driver in a wheelchair and steal it!”)

Also, almost every car comes with a unique challenge that allows you to get an upgraded version of the current car. (Despite some cars having lower stats and “Looking better”). The challenge will always consist of you needing to reach one of the 8 finish lines on the Island within the time limit. Some of the challenges take the piss though and you barely get enough time. There are 75 cars, to get them all you’ll need to finish EVERYTHING. EVERY. THING.

Races + Challenges

I really should of got to this one sooner..

This game has:

  • Races
  • Road Rage (Make x amount of cars crash within the time limit)
  • Stunt Run (Perform x amount of points by doing stunts within the time limit)
  • Marked man (A bunch of extremely strong cars are trying to make you crash. Get to x before your car takes too much damage)
  • Burning Route (Time trials in which you unlock the upgraded version of your car by getting to x before your time is up)

There are 8 Finish lines in this game. So after a while, you’ll hopefully have an idea of where to go. The challenge will start and the Narrator will say “Get to x”. There are multiple ways to guide you, the developers decided not to block off the wrong roads in this game so you could pretty much end up anywhere if you’re not careful. With the minimap and “Compass” (Which is just the road name at the top of the screen and sings that appear either side of it to show what roads are coming up incase you need to turn.) to help you then it becomes something you can easily adjust to.

Hidden collectibles

The closest thing this game has to collectibles is Super Jumps, Billboard smashes and Shortcut gates.

There are:

  • 50 Super Jumps
  • 120 Billbaords
  • 400 Shortcut Gates

and they’re not just in one area, they’re dotted round the entire map. Using guides I’ve managed to get all the Billboards, all of the Super jumps and 392 of the shortcuts. I can’t find the last 8 and I’d rather die than check all 400 of them as there is no way to fast travel in this game. Imagine if Skyrim was like that…

Showtime + Road rules

One of the reasons Burnout fans love these games is because in the past, there have been set scenarios with loads of traffic about and the only goal is to cause a big of a pileup as possible, racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage. In this game, they couldn’t have areas that we’re stuffed with traffic and gridlocks so they implemented a feature in which Pressing LB + RB at the same time would send your car into “Showtime” mode in which you could then guide your flipping car into traffic and cause a massive disaster in a matter of seconds. Also, when activating this mode, there is 10x more traffic about so that it’s actually possible to score points.

As for Road rules.. I don’t actually know how it works. I didn’t bother to check but I’ve managed to win a few challenges anyway. If I had to take a guess. I’d say that it starts when you enter one end of a street or road and the goal is to reach the other end within a certain time limit. It doesn’t actually notify you when you trigger one of these challenges and you may end up winning a few by accident.

Things I’d change 

I think it’s a great game and I’d totally recommend it. However, if I was put on the development team, I’d make these changes:

  • Add a fast travel option to Challenges and Buildings that you’ve already discovered.
  • Add a skip option on crashes when in free roam (It’s cool. But sometimes I don’t have the patience for it.)
  • Add a speedometer
  • Change some of the songs featured in the soundtrack
  • Move the support beams for roads that have the train line running above it. You’ll be surprised on how many times you end up ramming face first into one during a challenge.
  • Add a Retry Challenge option if you fail a race. It’s frustrating to have to drive all the way back.

Anyway, Thanks for reading. If you have anything else that you want to know then I’d he happy to explain it. I know I didn’t cover that much.

Oh, and here’s a Map of the Island:


mushiemallows:

Okay guys please pay attention to this because you know how much I love my kitties :c
Tumbles has been missing for about 2 months if not more and I’m really worried.
He’s quite slim and he’s really friendly, and he does look a bit chinese tbh, but he wasn’t wearing a collar (he always managed to take them off!). I know a lot of you don’t even live in Swindon but some of my followers do, and even then he could be a world traveller so he could be having pina coladas in California right now for all I know so I just want to get the word out :c
Message me if any of you have even the slightest chance of having seen him?! I really miss him way too much!

mushiemallows:

Okay guys please pay attention to this because you know how much I love my kitties :c

Tumbles has been missing for about 2 months if not more and I’m really worried.

He’s quite slim and he’s really friendly, and he does look a bit chinese tbh, but he wasn’t wearing a collar (he always managed to take them off!). I know a lot of you don’t even live in Swindon but some of my followers do, and even then he could be a world traveller so he could be having pina coladas in California right now for all I know so I just want to get the word out :c

Message me if any of you have even the slightest chance of having seen him?! I really miss him way too much!


So, the other day…

While I was at the Station on my way home, there were 3 girls that were nearby. They seemed like the kind of girls I’d not really speak to but that’s not the point. When the train arrived they got on and sat down, I stood by the doors. Just as the doors we’re closing, a kid who looked about 11 or 12 jumped through the doors on the other end of the carriage. I doubt he’d even brought tickets.

He sat down near the other entrance and had a newspaper by him. His Uneducated little mind could only see one possible use for it, so he proceeded to rip off some of the pages, screw them up and toss them around the carriage, this is around the time it caught my attention so I stopped my music and started to watch, because I was pretty sure that something would happen. The carriage had a few businessmen who had just finished a hard days work and the last thing they we’re going to let happen was have some thick kid throw paper at their face. He threw about 3 or 4 paper balls before he got a reaction. The man sitting nearby stood up, loomed over him and loudly said “Excuse me. What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?”

The boy seemed to suddenly freeze in position, as if he was some sort of squirrel who’d just heard an unfamiliar noise. It took him a few seconds before he could think of a reply. You’d of thought that the delayed response he’d give would be something half decent. But he simply said “Wot?”.

This is where the three girls from earlier jump in. One of them said “Yeah, can you like, stop being such a little shit?” and the other two laughed (So did some of the carriage, nobody was on this boys side.)

All he could think of to reply to that was “Yeah, nobody was talkin’ to you.”

The businessman sat back down in his seat, the girls carried on from this point.

Girls: “Yeah, well you’re being a dickhead little boy”

Boy: “I’m not a little boy you slags!”

A few people laughed at the fact he was denying he was young. He honestly looked about 10 at best.

Girls: “Yeah, well how old are you then?”

Boy: “Not telling. How old are you?”

Girls: “We’re 17 mate, you’ve probably got another 10 years.”

Boy: “I’m 16 actually!”

More laughter. If this boy was honestly 16 then there’s no hope for him. Not even with puberty.

After this, the girls we’re taunting him by asking him if his balls have dropped, if he’s ever seen what tits look like or if he can grow pubes. (Keep in mind that this whole thing happened within a few short minutes. The train was only just nearing the next stop).

He didn’t have a single person on his side, the best thing that could of happened is if a Ticket Inspector had came and fined him.

The Train Announcement said “We are now Approaching.. Hockley” and the boy shot up from his chair, stood by the doors still trying to get a witty reply in.

The girls we’re going “Bye! We won’t miss you!” whilst his hand was repeatedly pressing the “Open” button despite the train not stopping. A clear sign of desperation.

The train finally stopped, the doors opened and all he could think of to say before he vanished was “Bitch!”. This caused one last wave of laughter, this boy had shown everyone how stupid he is in only a matter of minutes. I was happy that I witnessed this. I’m always losing hope for the people who are about 12 and under because over 80% of the ones I ever see are pathetically stupid.

Hopefully there will be a massive change and kids will start to use their brains in the near future, but as it stands right now, I’m not sure that’ll ever happen.


There’s always something wrong with my body.

My body probably does it on purpose, so I always have something to complain about. I probably get it from my dad. This time it’s my Wrist. Feels like it’s disconnected from the rest of my arm.


Thats Mary. I’ve known her about 3 or so years over the Internet and I finally got to meet her today :3. Ignore my face. I look weird in this photo.

Thats Mary. I’ve known her about 3 or so years over the Internet and I finally got to meet her today :3. Ignore my face. I look weird in this photo.


Got a reply from that YouTube commenter.

He still wont admit he’s wrong. He’s even using the F word now. Serious business…

I messaged him a link which proves he was wrong. I can almost predict that he’ll claim that it’s fake and was set up after the video in question. He just seems like that kind of person.


Why do people even bother with replying to your comment on YouTube?

Without trying to sound like a know it all, whenever I post a comment on YouTube, I always do a double check on what I’m about to post. Just to make sure I’m not walking into a trap. Most of the time when I do this I get some twat trying to tell me I’m wrong and they decide to try and be big by swearing at me for my “False information”.

I commented on a video saying that all of the images they used we’re stolen from another website when they claimed to be their own. Some guy a few minutes later left a comment saying that I was wrong because they have a website where people post this stuff and he also claimed that the website managers check the internet to see if it’s original. (Yeah, the whole internet.. Wow..) he finished off his comment telling me to “Do my ‘reserch’. Asshole.” 

Naturally, being the person I am, I slammed back with a comment saying that I did and that I have proof that it’s been used before blah blah blah… 

If you’re going to post a comment on YouTube then don’t just make something up for the sake of commenting. Otherwise you’re a fucking idiot.

Also, he hasn’t replied to my comment yet. Wuss.


Fire Alarm just went off at work.

Some customers are retards. Trying to get back inside whilst the building hasn’t been checked.

It’s weird to see all the staff waiting at the meeting point. Looks like a lot less than I expected. Now there’s a bunch of unhappy customers because they can’t wait 10 mins to do their shopping.


Nothing says “I trust you with the Electronic cage keys” than a giant security tag.

Nothing says “I trust you with the Electronic cage keys” than a giant security tag.


On the train home today there was a man sitting nearby I think might of had mental problems. That or he’s just strange. He kept on looking at his hand and mildly stroking it. Every time I made any sudden movement he would quickly look at me. After a while he started doing some strange hand actions. I thought he was pretending to play a piano at first but he seemed to be having a dinner party. Throughout the time he was there I was scared yet entertained.


Gah.

First day of work was tiring. I’m in pain. I feel like Ethan Mars near the end of Heavy rain.

I’ll leave you guys a few minutes to figure that one out.


I was wasting time on RuneScape…

And this kid who must’ve been about 12 started following me calling me an “Adamant noob”. Which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard because Adamant Armour is like the 4th - 5th strongest in the game (To my knowledge).

I could tell by his spelling that he was probably a dribbling idiot. So I retaliated with long words to throw him off guard. This is when he started to show me how much of a genius he was by coming up with some fantastic replies such as:

“fuck u”

“ur gay”

And of course,

“gay noob”

After asking him if he was finished with his “Witty replies” he claimed he was going to make a video. All about me. What a fantastic guy. 5 minutes prior to meeting him and I already get a video dedicated to my “gay noob” Runescape Character.

He continued to follow me around while apparently making a video. He couldn’t of made it more obvious that it was fake. For instance, it took him about 4 seconds to boot up his non existent recording software, and record. It would also of only been about 12 seconds long and would of consisted of him typing sentences with many errors while I continue to wander around the thing that made me laugh at this point was the fact that he was saying that club penguin is better than Runescape. From the way he carried on speaking about it, he was probably serious. After he finished “recording” he said he was using a mic the entire time when he clearly wasn’t as the video doesn’t fucking exist. 

Then he ran off for about 4 minutes and came back saying he’d uploaded the video and it already has 60k views. Great to know my Runescape character is now YouTube Famous.

It was around this point that I remembered that there was a Report button. So I sent a report for the hell of it.

If you’ve continued to read this far then well done. Most people, if not all will probably scroll past this thinking “TLDR”. I know it means fuck all but I feel like writing something, I’ll be typing other big things like this sooner or later, but they wont be about Runescape.

Anyway, I have this kid following me around telling me all about the video and all the things he didn’t mention before. Meaning the video was about 2 mins long, making it longer than the actual “conversation” we had during recording. I eventually got bored and decided to end the argument by pissing him off. I said: “Well, I’ve clearly won this argument, I’m going to block you now. Have a crap life”

Doesn’t seem like much but it always gets to you if the other person claims to win and then fucks off before you can reply.

So yeah. I win. :3


For over 8 months I’ve basically had the same amount of followers.

100 - 105 Followers.

(Currently 103)

Thanks for not unfollowing. It’d bug me to have under 100 :3


I LIED

mushiemallows:

thefuuuucomics:

omfg BEST COMIC EVER